9
Helpful Tips To Deal With Negative People
Do you have any friends or
colleagues who are negative? If so, you’ll know they aren’t the most enjoyable
people to be around. Negative people can be real downers in any conversation.
No matter what you say, they have a way of spinning things in a negative
direction. Some negative people can be so negative that it feels draining just
being around them.
I’ve dealt with a fair
share of negative people in my life in network blogs basically surrounded by
unknown people whose
feedback is not relevant
to me, and
who do not
professionalism in their
feedbacks. I was initially taken aback by negativity of the people, I
eventually learned to manage it and channel it into conscious action.
Today, I deal with
negativity on-and-off in my personal development work, especially if there are
readers or coaching clients in distress. Rather than be affected by others’
negative energy, I’m now able to consciously deal with it. Here, I’ll share
with you 9 tips to deal with negative people in your life (specially in
your blogs and work place)
1) Don’t
get into an argument
One of the most important
things I learned is not to debate with a negative person. A negative person
likely has very staunch views and isn’t going to change that just because of
what you said. Whatever you say, he/she can find 10 different reasons to back
up his/her viewpoint. The discussion will just swirl into more negativity, and
you pull yourself down in the process. You can give constructive comments, and
if the person rebutts with no signs of backing down, don’t engage further.
2)
Empathize with them
Have you ever been annoyed
by something before, then have someone tell you to “relax”? How did you feel?
Did you relax as the person suggested or did you feel even more worked up?
From my experience, people
who are negative (or upset for that matter) benefit more from an empathetic ear
than suggestions/solutions on what he/she should do. By helping them to address
their emotions, the solutions will automatically come to them (it’s always been
inside them anyway).
3) Lend a
helping hand
Some people complain as a
way of crying for help. They may not be conscious of it though, so their
comments come across as complaints rather than requests. Take the onus to lend
a helping hand. Just a simple “Are you okay?” or “Is there anything I can do to
help you?” can do wonders.
4) Stick
to light topics
Some negative people are
triggered by certain topics. Take for example: One of my friends sinks into a
self-victimizing mode whenever we talk about his work. No matter what I say (or
don’t say), he’ll keep complaining once we talk about work.
Our 1st instinct with
negative people should be to help bring them to a more positive place (i.e.
steps #2 and #3). But if it’s apparent the person is stuck in his/her
negativity, the unhappiness may be too deeply rooted to address in a one-off conversation,
or for you to help him/her unravel it. Bring in a new topic to lighten the
mood. Simple things like new movies, daily occurrences, common friends, make
for light conversation. Keep it to areas the person feels positive towards.
5) Ignore
the negative comments
One way to help the
negative person “get it” is to ignore the negative comments. If he/she goes
into a negative swirl, ignore or give a simple “I see” or “Ok” reply. On the
other hand, when he/she is being positive, reply in affirmation and enthusiasm.
Do this often and soon he/she will know positivity pays off. He/she will adjust
to be more positive accordingly.
6) Praise
the person for the positive things
Negative people aren’t just
negative to others. They’re also negative to themselves. If you already feel
negative around them, imagine how they must feel all the time. What are the
things the person is good at? What do you like about the person? Recognize the
positive things and praise him/her for it. He/she will be surprised at first and
might reject the compliment, but on the inside he/she will feel positive about
it. That’s the first seed of positivity you’re planting in him/her and it’ll
bloom in the long-term.
7) Hang
out in 3′s or more people
Having someone else in the
conversation works wonders in easing the load. In a 1-1 communication, all the
negativity will be directed towards you. With someone else in the conversation,
you don’t have to bear the full brunt of the negativity. This way you can focus
more on doing steps #1 (Empathizing) and #2 (Helping the person).
8) Be
responsible for your reaction
Whether the person is
negative or not, ultimately you’re the one who is perceiving the person is
negative. When you recognize that, actually the negativity is the product of
your lens. Take responsibility for your perceptions. For every trait, you can
interpret it in a positive and a negative manner. Learn to see the goodness of
the person than the negative. It may be tough initially, but once you cultivate
the skill, it becomes second nature.
9) Reduce
contact with them / Avoid them
If all else fails, reduce
contact with them or avoid them altogether. If it’s a good friend, let him/her
know of the severity of the issue and work it out where possible. It’s not
healthy to spend too much time with people who drain you. Your time is
precious, so spend it with people who have positive effects on you.
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